Raining in My Head
by BrokenPoet12
Summary: Scully comforts Mulder after his mother's death


Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Go Chris Carter for creating them..sigh..why cant I do anything..lol anyway.. The song is "Epiphany" by staind. Not mine at all  
  
Spoilers: Zein Und Zeit  
  
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Raining in My Head  
  
The knock on his door had come innocently enough. The sharp sound so loud in the heavy silence. Quickly leaving his place by his answering machine, Mulder opened the door to reveal a sad, tired Scully.  
  
"I'm glad you're here. My mother was trying to tell me something. I think I figured it out. It's something about my sister that she was never able to tell me. " He says quickly, leading her to the small machine. Hitting the play button the voice of his now dead mother filled the quiet room.  
  
"So much that I've left unsaid for reasons I hope one day you'll understand. " The voice is gone and Mulder meets Scully's eyes.  
  
"She knew what I'd find with this case out in California. " His eyes bore into hers, almost pleading with her to accept what he was saying.  
  
With a soft sigh, Scully breaks his gaze and focuses on the machine, "How could she know that, Mulder? " He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Here, recorded on his answeing machine was proof. And she denied it, tried to debunk it. Swallowing a the lump that was forming he pressed on.  
  
"A child disappearing without a trace-- without evidence-- in defiance of all logical explanation? She knew because of what's driven me-- what I've always believed. " As Mulder finishes Scully steps towarsd him but he leans away slightly.  
  
"Mulder..."  
  
Swallowing very painfully he says, "Scully, these parents who've lost... who've lost their children... They've had visions of their sons and daughters in scenarios that never happened but which they describe in notes that came through them as automatic writing and words that came through them psychically from old souls protecting the children. My mother must have written a note like that herself. Describing the scenario of my sister's disappearance of her, of her abduction by aliens. Don't you see, Scully? It never happened. All these visions that I've had have just been... they've been to help me cope, to help me deal with the loss but... I've been looking for my sister in the wrong place. That's... what my mother was trying to tell me. That's what she was trying to warn me about. That's why they killed her. " He's growing frustrated now. The doubt in Scully's eyes is bringing him closer to breaking.  
  
Sighing again, Scully sits and faces him. She takes a breath and meets his eyes. "Your mother killed herself, Mulder. I conducted the autopsy. She was dying of an incurable disease. An untreatable and horribly disfiguring disease called Paget's Carcinoma. She knew it. There were doctor's records. She didn't want to live. " She can see the pain play across Mulders face. Putting her head in her hands she is startled by the sudden movement he makes. Furiously he grabs hold of the desk and shakes it violently. Standing, Scully places a hand on his arm but he recoils and his tears begin to fall.  
  
"She was trying to tell me something. She was... " Mulder can't finish though. His voice has broken and with it his will. He is not alone in his pain though. Scully is in agony, and her tears fall as well.  
  
"Mulder, she was trying to tell you to stop. To stop looking for your sister. She was just trying to take away your pain. " Mulder turns quickly and wraps his arms around her, weeping. She puts her lips on his neck and holds him tightly.  
  
~Your words to me just a whisper Your face is so unclear I try to pay attention Your words just disappear~  
  
Closing his eyes in hopes of closing out the pain, Mulder grits his teeth as the sobs wrack his body. Everyone he loved had died. His sister was gone, his father murdered and now his mother. There was only one person left. He wrapped his arms tighter around Scully and felt himself being pulled down onto the couch. With no strength left in his body, he collapsed onto her.  
  
Scully pulled him fully onto the couch and pulled him against her body. She could already feel the shivers starting. Shock. With a sigh, she pulled the blanket from behind him and wrapped it around the two of them. He had to be kept warm. 'Please Mulder, please let me get you through this.' She begged silently in her head. "Mulder..?" she said trying to get his attention. "I need to get you to your bed. You're going into shock. You need to be kept warm okay? Can you help me?" She recieved no answer so she tried to move out from under him.  
  
"No Scully. Please don't leave me. you're all I have left now" Mulder begged through a choked voice. His arms wrapped around her tighter.  
  
"Im not leaving you Mulder. I'm never leaving you. I want to take you to your bed though, okay?"  
  
"I've failed everyone. I failed Sam, and my father and my mother and you. Oh God Scully, I failed you. You need to get away from me before I kill you."  
  
Shaking her head, Scully started to pull him up with her, "You have never failed me." But he wont hear it, somehow he manages a weak protest and tries to pull away from her. The only result is him pulling her back onto the couch with him.  
  
"Mulder listen to me! You are not responsible for your mothers death. You need to understand that. You are not responsible for anything that's happened to me. You told me once I had saved you, but I never got the chance to tell you that you saved me. Dont let go of this now Mulder. Let me help you fight it." She can't continue because her voice is choked with greif and worry.  
  
~'Cause its always raining in my head Forget all the things I should have said So I speak to you in riddles because My words get in my way. I smoke the whole thing to my head and feel it wash away 'cause i can't take anymore of this, I want to come apart. or dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart~  
  
With one final pull Scully manages to pull Mulder up off the couch and into her arms. Supporting him, they make the short journey into his dark bedroom. Leading him to his bed, Scully sits him down and removes his shoes. Mulder only sits there in a daze. Tears making his eyes apear glossy. There is a dead look in them and it terrifies Scully. Pulling down the covers she manages to push him back onto the matress and pulls the covers up around him. Mulder curls into a ball and his shivers grow more violent. Scully sits at the edge of his bed and runs her fingers through his short hair. A frown on her face and her mind racing. when her fingertips touch his skin, Mulder seems to come alive a bit. He turns his face and meets her eyes for the first time in minutes.  
  
"Scully..." he chokes before swallowing hard, "I dont want you to go..please..I need to know you're going to be here when I wake up. I need to know I'm not loosing you too. You're all I have left."  
  
Without saying anything, Scully leans foreward and kisses his forehead. As Mulders eyes close she stands and kicks off her shoes. Lifting the covers away she moves to slide under them. Mulder moves back a few inches to allow her room and wraps his arms around her once she is settled. Sighing together Scully, rests her head against Mulders and closes her eyes. His fingertips brush her face gently and his shivers begin to subside.  
  
"Thankyou Scully"  
  
Scully doesnt say anything, just nods slightly. They lay there in the peacful silence of the darkness. After endless minutes, she felt Mulder relax into sleep. Leaning forward slightly she pressed her lips to his softly and then withdrew.  
  
"Goodnight Mulder, I'll always be here." With that she fell asleep.  
  
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About halfway through that story I realized it sucked so..yea. Anyway 


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